Surrendering and Accepting

Surrendering and Accepting

Forward movement can only be made when reality is accepted.

Arduous times can take a toll on any human. This is magnified a hundred fold when the situation involves a loved one, family member, or lifelong friend. Picture this - You are being escorted down a hospital hallway by a young lady dressed professionally. She takes you to this office toward the end of the hallway. The door opens and there are two other individuals already there. Both dressed in hospital attire. They stand to greet you and the expressions on their face tell a story that you are not prepared to hear. A few words are exchanged, they begin to speak, and they say the words "I am sorry to say this but based on your father's medical chart, the additional tests we have completed, and our combined medical experience your dad has approximately six months to live. This was the very scene I was in back in 2019. In January of the following year my dad was gone.

Now go back to the moment when I first heard the news. What would you do? Go back to a time when you were given some difficult information. Maybe it was not this catastrophic. Could have been fired from a job, betrayal by a friend, or infidelity by a spouse. What is in question is how did you respond? Maybe not necessarily at that exact moment. I mean who could blame you for wanting to pick up and throw something. I am referring to the days and weeks afterward. It is this time where most people get tripped up or remain stuck due to not settling in their mind the truth of the situation. Let's discuss a few tactics to implore during these very moments.

What Is True

Once the mental fog is clear, it is time to obtain clarity and obtain it quickly. A method that helps me immensely is asking the question "what is true about this situation?" Going back to the situation regarding my dad, I had to ask myself and sometimes multiple times "is what I have been told the truth. Once I understood that yes, it is indeed the truth I then had to ask, "is there anything that I can do to change the situation?" Obviously, the answer was no. There is no way I can manipulate this story in any form or fashion. I truly had to surrender and accept that my dad was dying. What do you need to surrender and accept? What is a situation that you are in or have been in and you just refuse to acknowledge? Many of the people that we love are no longer with us because not only did they make decisions that cost them their life. But also because in many instances the people around them refused to surrender to the truth. You see when we keep fighting what is literally right in front us, we occupy all of that problem solving or soul healing energy with vein attempts in changing reality. You lost the job. Your spouse cheated. Your parent is dying. Your baby boy is a drug attack. Your business is failing. Select any of these scenarios and they all have one thing in common; the next step toward a resolution can only be manifested by facing the inevitable. Surrendering and accepting are not quitting. It is making room for answers to flow to you and forward movement possible.

What Is Your Plan?

Take a breath – Okay the event has happened. The news has been revealed…now what? First thing I recommend is stopping to take a breath. This can mean a literal breathing in and breathing out. But what it really encompasses is pausing to assess the situation. The breathing allows the mind to slow down and begin mentally processing reality. Moves will have to be made of course. However, give time to allow your mind to calm and body to relax.

-Gather the “right” information - Too many times we receive news and react with that initial download of information. Here is the problem though. How many times have we heard something or received information but that information was either incomplete or inaccurate? During this time having some patience and due diligence can pay off massive dividends when we gather the “right” information from trusted sources. Take the situation with my dad, days after being told of his pending death I had additional questions. I sought after answers to settle the issue in my mind so the right decisions could be made.

-Seek the “right” guidance. – Our loved ones mean well and they only want the best for us, most of the time anyway. When devastating news is upon us it is especially important to have a support system around us that we can lean on. If it was not for having my close friends and family there to support me during what was the toughest moment in time up until that point in my years on this planet I am not sure how I would have made it. Caution warning though. Be careful of whom you seek guidance from and the guidance you receive. Seek the information but utilize wisdom and discernment to be your guiding posts. Find individuals that you trust and that can help you see some blind spots that you may not be aware of. Seek advice from those that have been in similar situations and can offer an unbiased point of view.

-Execute your plan (make a firm decision) – To this point you have asked what is true. You have accepted that truth. You paused and took account of the information. You have sought wise counsel. Now it is time to execute the plan you have in place. Make a firm decision and stand by that decision. Listen you better believe that I had to make some decisions regarding my dad that honestly hurt. They were not fun and or popular. Yet these decisions had to be made and I had to stand by my decisions. You will have to stand firm in your decisions. Do not be afraid to be wrong. If a course correction is warranted, then make it happen. But have faith that you made the right decision due to the fact that you had a sound and well advised plan in place. 

Reflection

-Ask "what did and did not work" – Decisions have been made and some time has passed. Take this time to reflect and ask what did work, what did not work, and do I need to make adjustments. Trust me when I tell you that may second guess your decision. That is a normal part of being a human and we do not want to get it wrong especially when it involves those we love. Reflection is about taking some time to ask yourself and in prayer or meditation “what did I learn from this situation.”

-Do I need additional information? – Nothing wrong with saying that I made a decision and I stand by that decision. However, I need additional information before moving forward. This is part of having wisdom. If your heart is in the right place and you have the right information from the correct sources, your decisions will be sound.

-Adjust, course correct, or stay on the current heading – Don’t be surprised if multiple adjustments will need to be made. Situations evolve and so must our decision-making process. Expect this to happen. In so many instances we are caught off guard because we figured that a decision was made and that was the end of it. Unfortunately, life is weird and has this funny way of changing directions suddenly with no regard for a turn signal and or breaking. Be on constant guard of your mental game so that if an adjustment must be made, you are ready.

In this article this all sounds easy but trust me it is not always so. The more difficult a situation the tougher it may be to navigate through the rough waters. Yet with a solid thought process in place, these waters can be tamed. Have patience with yourself and others around you for support and guidance. We can easily lose our purpose in these moments. Although if we take the time to implore these tactics consistently our purpose will never be lost.